I've been trying to be more grown up lately, and this has manifested itself in many different ways. For one thing I'm drinking an Iced Coffee that I prepared myself this morning instead of hitting up Costa or that mermaid place with the expensively good coffee. But I'm not going to get in over my head with the coffee, I've drank coffee since I was eight so I really doubt that is the criteria in which one becomes an adult, especially as I know several actual adults who don't drink coffee. Though in saying that I've started drinking proper fancy tea and I'm looking into purchasing a kitchen thermometer (buying fancy kitchen implements is a job usually reserved for my Mammy, and she's an adult!)
Anyway, what has spurred this one on is, in one week I begin my final year in collage and I'm suddenly feeling that maybe its time to take things into stock and figure out how the hell am I going to get a job?! Also the University posted out to all the soon to be Fourth Years a package filled with all sorts of goodies marked GET A JOB!!! in big ass writing. It was like a twisted copy of the Hitch Hiker's Guide and to be honest it sort of scared me, no 'Don't Panic' in big friendly writing it was exactly the exact opposite!
The thought of getting a proper job doesn't actually scare me, nor does doing interviews. I'm not really sure what part of it is getting to me. But thinking about it I realise my CV is pretty bare when it comes to the references section, and well actually the whole of the other sections too. So its time to fill it up and get lots of experience and other stuff on there too! I'm doing some volunteer work. This includes buddying up with some international students doing a semester/year here at UL and collecting/fundraising for depression and suicide awareness for Aware.ie as part of their Daisy Days. At this point I should probably point out that I'm not just doing this for a reference, but its a nice little perk seeing as no one wants to employ me!
I also want to be able talk about the things I've listed as my interests. This has always been an issue for me, even though I'm really interested in a lot of things - music, photography, politics, art, philosophy, cooking, baking - I really don't know enough about any of it to talk to anyone who has any clue about any of these things. That's why I've changed my preferences on StumbleUpon and joined Twitter. I know this mightn't seem like that big a deal but seeing as every blog I look at these days is cooking and art and I'm reading them, means it's surly doing something for me. And then twitter is really helping me keep up to date on what the hell is going on in the world at the moment. So yeah, that's pretty cool.
The thing is though, I still don't feel as though I can consider myself an adult. I mean I have always thought that there is several criteria and even though I have met them all I still feel that in my life experiences I'm still just a kid! And really that just makes me sad!
Ok so those criteria were:
- Physical: You are officially an adult in a physical sense when you get through puberty and most people have that done well before they get to twenty (unless they are a ballerina that is).
- Legally: On you're eighteenth birthday you become an adult in the eyes of the law. You can drink, smoke, play the lottery, gamble, get married, live on your own and all that jazz or at least some combination of it all depending where you live.
- Coming Of Age: This one really depends on the individual, their upbringing, nationality, customs and traditions. For me this meant learning to drive, going out, taking full responsibility for yourself, getting a job, having had sex, being in a proper relationship, smoking, drinking, having got so drunk to stop drinking (at least for a while), having your own money, having people rely on you, cooking your own dinner, paying rent, caring about the price of petrol, actually reading the newspaper not just flicking through it, having deadlines...and you surely get my drift.
I'm sure when I was growing up there was more criteria but for now these are the major ones that seem to be niggling at me. I've met all of this, so why am I still not mature enough to be an adult? Or is it that I'm just scared of the true adult world and just want to chill out in a perpetual state of inbetweeness for at least the time being?!
Anyway, its not like its even that big a deal. It would seem that I'm unemployable and my future is likely to include more letters after my name other than BA, even though that thought scares me too. I guess ultimately every person reaches a point where they are forced to look back and look forward and it will always be more comforting looking back then it will be looking forward. And that's probably why I want to get a disposable camera instead of a tripod; watching repeats of shows from when I was younger instead of indulging in the great new things available to me; and why for the fear of criticism I am not going to post this blog but save it for a rainy day.
No i get all that. Its well written too. I know the dear when you realise rent is coming and you dont know how your gonna pay it, taking case of yourself and wondering if you relationship that you have so much invested in should fail what will you do. But still Im not a grown up in my head. I dont think you ever become that Im your own mind. Its when you act like it and can put others before yourself and be viewed as an adult by other people that you can be one. But in our heads maybe we will always be little.
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying that it's well written, I don't know I've just been in a funny mood about all this stuff lately, I think it may have something to do with this http://www.viruscomix.com/page551.html (a comic wouldn't you know, how grown up?! ha ha) The Thing is I used to think that I was mature and I think I used to act quite mature, I fear I may have regressed but still have all/many of the perks that come with adulthood, but not the responsibilities and that sort of freaks me out
ReplyDeleteYou always write well, Pauline.
ReplyDeleteI get the sentiment, though. On the one hand I am really looking forward to grown up living arrangements, a job and all that jazz, on the other hand I am very happy that I can still push deadlines and don't have any real responsibilities besides getting through college. I guess adulthood is a very fluid concept, largely depending on your situation. As I am leaving for my teaching interneship I know that as soon as I step in front of a class room I'll be an adult, as soon as I am back I'll be a student again.
Thank you Caro (oh I do so like being complimented.) I think you're right on adultity/adultness/adulthood (not sure which word to use in this context) is fluid, according to the article Aisling linked me states that when you are depended upon you are an adult, and when you become the teacher then you'll definitely be the adult. I don't know how comfortable I am with the notion of regression though because I'm sure once you become an adult you hardly can become a child again, or can you?
ReplyDeletelmfao! I love your blog. You brought back wonderful memories of krakow we experienced together. and I find this cooking thing very interesting too, mussles-oysters..well done. Gosh, I cant even believe it's already been almost a year ago we started our erasmus. I remember our first day and we were late or just in time (depends on how you look at it); which then later became our thing:P Im grateful for being able to follow your writings here- this way I know what you're up to my dear pops. I miss you loads. Just reading this, I seem to be hearing your voice (weird ey? but also very nice). Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteYours truly,
Noodles
Your hearing my voice, because really I am standing over your shoulder right now, reading it out to you. Isn't that nice. Yes an entire year has passed, well almost since we began Erasmus in Krakow and my God don't we know it. It was really fortunate that me and REd Hai ran into you on your way out of the building, when we finally arrived and you know, we were never late we just had an imaginative sense of time, and direction. That's all! Miss you very much
ReplyDeleteYour Pops!