Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My Hourly Comics

http://www.hourlycomic.com/hourlycomicday.html

As I have expressed in earlier updates I've a lot of free time and a love of web comics, so deciding to utilise this and, at present, an insatiable urge to draw again, I decided that on some random day I would do hourly comics! The website above describes exactly what this is, but basically it's a comic for every hour that you are awake on a particular date, February first to be exact. Now I know that, its not February first, its November seventeenth when I'm writing this, probably November Eighteenth when I publish this and my comics are for November Fifteenth!

Please note, I don't have a scanner or access to one, so the quality of the uploads is pretty bad I know, but here they are anyway, and hopefully I'll have some sort of hourly photography up here too, soon.

Critique is welcomed and appreciated in the comments section, and in February when I will, hopefully, have a scanner close to hand I will try to upload some decent comics:

Finally, apologies for the lenght of this article, too much effort and hassle to align the images, and in fairness it is after four in the morning now, so I think I'm entitled, to not be bothered!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

That's not nice Sam, that's not nice what you did to me!

So...

Many a time throughout my existence have I suffered some sort of traumatiztion, whether it be after discussing 'Rimming' with Mister Wiljen, and not ever being able eat a chocolate muffin again or just seeing the sad sight of an unfortunate dying animal, but never do I think have I ever suffered such a horrific moment as I have tonight at 00.10!

Poop-a-riffic ... Choc-a-riffic!

Sam, called me on Skype. And No! I don't know who Sam is, but after our little call, lasting less than a minute, I feel now, that I know him intimately, all parts of him, or at least one significant part. Yup, that's right, his penis!

Sam: Befriend me please! : )

The tale begins as Noodles, Red Hair and I (whoohoo proper grammar) were sitting discussing the topics of the day, mostly immigration, assimilation, multiculturalism in Sweden and Ireland but you know some regular stuff too. The discussion ended and I was about to make tea, seeing that I'm Irish, it seemed like the thing to do, when I saw someone was calling me on Skype. I quickly donned my giant 'call center' headphones...

Have you tried, ummm, turning it off, and aah turning it back on again?!

"Who the fuck is Sam...did someone change their contact name?!"

Answer with video, as a reflective response

The screen was black

"Shit, shouldn't have answered this!"

The screen now slowly being illuminated from the centre outwards

"What?! Oh, and that would be a penis!"

*Hang up*

*Shiver*

*Run to tell the two Roomies what horrific thing had happened!*

So I'm not exactly traumatized, after all, it's only a penis, and as icky looking as they are its not like it was going to hurt me or 'twas rotting with black syphilis or anything, least I didn't notice! But it certainly was an interesting end to the day...

Indeed!

...wonder what'll happen this time tomorrow?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ghost bats and hobo socks

I have now for almost two months been living in a quite small apartment at Ulica Dielta with Red Hair and Noodles, and though the place is quite comfortable and lovely it does come with a few faults.
For one thing, the neighbours! We live on the top floor with two other flats, and the wall of the bedroom I share with Red Hair is sharing a wall with the guy next door's bathroom and Kitchen. Now you may ask how could we know this?! 'Have you been 'round, oh that must have been nice, did he put out a spread with biscuits and buns and offer you a drink?' No! The guy, who when at three in the morning decides its time to wash for the fifth time that day, its quite easy to hate him. But then. You see the guy, and he's so friendly when you pass him on the stairs and you just want to mother him. Put the spread out for him, but then you'd have to call it 'an assortment of food including cookies and cakes, accumulating in the drinking of beer' and that's if he speaks English. So ok, the guy likes to keep clean, that's fair enough, cleanliness is next to godliness or so I've been told, but we have to draw the line somewhere! He hoovers, shaves and fills the kettle all the time! Well not all the time, it isn't a constant state of shave, tea, wash, hoover, he only ever seems to do it at night time. Perhaps he is insomniac, or doesn't realise the pipes to his apartment run through our walls, though perhaps he's just a prick! The other night, I was keeping M'colleague company out in the hall and we'd left the door open behind us (once again, I'd temporarily misplaced my keys) and we could hear the music playing, quite loudly, from the room next to his apartment, if we could hear the music he surely knows we can hear him. The thing is though, he has friends round pretty late and plays music during the day. It's all in Polish so we can't understand but no matter what time this is, it doesn't bother me, its the constant running of water that bugs me, driving me into a state of near insanity!
But if you think I'm overreacting, let me pose a question to you. Why would a man feel the need to shower several times during the night, at one, at four and again at six? What could he be up to?!

Here's a hint...

As you can imagine, especially anyone who has ever stayed in a room that had masses of pipes in the walls, this is a pretty big point, noise, but not even the worse, or the strangest that we've got to put with here!
Ghost bats.
Yes that's right, ghost bats! And no I don't mean the ridiculously cute Macroderma gigas, also known as the False Vampire bat, native to northern parts of Australia, but rather ghost bats! The ghost of a bat, or perhaps a creature who died and as a ghost deiced to become a bat, and haunt the shit out of our flat. And before judging me too harshly for my theory let me explain my proofs.
That's some scary shit right there my friend!

As I've already mentioned we live on the top floor, that is there is nothing above us only sky, everything is below and we are all there is at this height. Yeah we can hear what clearly sounds like footsteps on our ceiling (I know bats can't walk but I know for a fact it ain't Santa Claus!), we can hear banging in the walls and all my socks have a hole in them. What else could it be only ghost bats. Oh and we also hear them making 'buzzy' sounds and acting like batteries!

I look like a feckin' Hobo

But I really do like this place, we have the most amazing view of Wawel, and living next door to Kazimeriz and only a few minutes from the market square is really handy, considering one of those places is mostly pubs and the other cafes. And so I'm choosing to believe that everywhere has at least one or two discrepancies that the landlord will always fail to mention so, I promise I will do my best, to move on and get over it. I'll make friends with the guy next door and as it is I'm sure the ghost bats are already my friends, so that's all good.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The importance of being idle

First of all my apologies, updates have been a little lacking of recent, in frequency at least, and this would imply by the way of earlier posts that I've not had as much free time or been as bored as usual, but sadly, this is not the case! Instead of posting blog updates and bothering the Internet with my own unique brand of entertainment I have been procrastinating, even from my procrastination! And I hear you ask 'how?' Well its quite simple, five little wonders that are so ridiculously addictive and distracting that its near impossible to pull yourself away

'Lasciate ogni speranza voi ch'entrate'


1. Mindjolt.com and Zynga: We've all done it, regretted it, vowed to never do it again and then started a new game or clicked on another link. These games are addictive, literally, they use subliminal mind control to hook you and then you never leave! Minjolt is the worst culprit of all, it doesn't actually trick you into thinking you've achieved anything, it just takes your time and dignity, at least with farmville you get to comb bulls, which we all know is clearly the most productive and enterprising thing you do with a bull!

2. Stumbleupon: Ok so I know I'm on record as saying this is one of the greatest things ever and, it is, but download the tool bar and you'll never be able concentrate on anything ever again so long as your computer is anywhere near you. Pushing that little button is more addictive than heroin, bad kebabs and cyanide and happiness comics (beware the blog listings, actually more addictive than stumbleupon, but easier to avoid!)

3. Chess: The game of kings, and well queens, rooks, pawns and other thingies is frustratingly addictive! If you can play, which most people can't you'll know once you play a game, and lose, you need to avenge yourself, your honour, your dignity, your pride and will not be able stop until breaking point has been reached!

I do love demotivational!

4. iTunes: This bastarding thing hates me, I swear it wipes itself clear off my laptop, duplicates every song, loses files and just pisses me off. So, I spend my evenings trying to fix it, deleting duplicates, changing everything that's some how all in upper case and putting songs that are clearly marked as a particular artist and album as that particular artist and album. Not so much a way of procrastinating enjoyed by all but let's face it the Apple Cooperation are evil, Steve Jobs is a tyrant and at some point or another the software used to run iTunes will fail on you before pissing on your grave!

How could you possibly say this isn't one of the most evil things ever!?

5. Being a Child: What more can I say but I'm easily amused and happy to do anything other than what I really should be, including playing in the leaves, dressing up and not wanting to do my work. Isn't that the way things are supposed to be?!

Can you spot the ten examples of procrastination?

And now for a little confession, I've been trying to write this update the entire day but shockingly I was distracted during the creative process and have only just finished! Its a great sense of accomplishment, and not something I'm really use to, Yay, Go Me!